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To be aware of the implications of whom you’re attracted to and why.Which means that in the eyes of others, the color of the women I date is a big deal. Like I’m betraying my people if I date white women. I see people watching me with a stink eye, noses turned up, as if they think black and brown people would somehow be better off if I dumped my white girlfriend. Along with each watchful eye, the whispers of, “Pick a side, Chris, pick a side,” fill my already noisy mind. Yes, the black body has done more for society than it has gotten in return. How do I love as a brown body in the world in a way that makes everybody happy?In a perfect world, race would not be an issue, but it is, and it’s ok for interracial partners to acknowledge that. The idea that a person of color who dates a white person is harboring some kind of self-hatred is a far too simplistic one.Of course, there are instances where issues of self-acceptance may be at play, but this is not a hard and fast rule.As such, fetishization and sexualization in interracial relationships is wrong.
First, some history: When I was a child, watching my pops get ready to go out was something to behold.
Since I was a child, I’ve internalized the idea that the hand I hold determines my worth more than my own hands. If we think about it, it’s really just a comment on power: “Chico, you trying to have power now? My grandmother and other grandmothers and mothers would warn us: “Don’t date someone darker than you. I don’t care about your damn opinions about how dark people are and how kinky their hair is. Christopher Rivas is a storyteller, actor and the creator of "The Real James Bond Was Dominican! To hear Modern Love: The Podcast, subscribe on i Tunes or Google Play Music. Continue following our fashion and lifestyle coverage on Facebook (Styles and Modern Love), Twitter (Styles, Fashion and Weddings) and Instagram.
Before I was born, my mother told my father she was pregnant at 3 a.m. She and my pops made a commitment to give us children everything they never had, to strive and achieve and provide for us, and in response to their aspiration, some in their world thought they were leaving their roots behind and trying to become something else. Don’t date coarse hair, big lips and big noses”I brought home a black girl in high school and my aunt angrily mumbled, “Oh, do you see him and that Negrita?
Even years later, my pops still took longer to get ready than my mother and sister combined, delicately taking a black Sharpie to any stray grays that might pop up in his goatee. Later he made his way to New York City, where he met my mother, who is Colombian. Over the years I have dated brown women and black women, but mostly white women.
He was married now and no longer had to be “chosen.” But habits ingrained in adolescence can be hard to break. I hadn’t thought about why that was, but when some brown and black people in my community started giving me a hard time about dating white women, I sensed they’d be happier if I stopped.These are the images we see most in the media — cis white men with black women, or cis black men with white women.