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22-Sep-2020 23:15

She and Adam did not share a single Myers-Briggs letter.She was similar to me and different from me in entirely new ways, ways that thrilled me.We share the last two letters, so we agreed on a lot of the big things: We were committed to intellectual rigor, harbored a deep skepticism of organized religion, and had similar attitudes about money. But our differences (extrovert versus introvert, and his concrete, linear style of thinking and communicating versus my tendency toward abstraction and patterns) revealed themselves over time to be a source of stagnation, not growth.While opposites may attract, being opposite in some aspects of a relationship can prove problematic.By the time I flopped into bed, I was flush with possibility. Claire had sounded intrigued by the 16 Personalities test, so I texted her the link.Then I opened my Notes app and typed a prediction: “Claire, INFP,” guessing she was an introvert (“I”) who preferred intuition (“N”), made decisions more from feeling (“F”) than thinking, and approached life in a flexible, open way (“P”). No one is guaranteed to find love from a test, of course, but we can at least improve our odds by pursuing people with whom we stand a better chance of forging a lasting connection.

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He was basically the same person he is now, and so was I, but it’s harder to see who people really are through the fog of courtship.

Not because I don’t think people date more than one person at the same time, but because I thought we were alike in a way that meant she wouldn’t.

A flurry of text messages followed, offering explanations: “I’ll never fit in to your life,” “I’ll let you down,” and finally, “You are superior to me in so many ways” (which was perhaps her way of saying: “It’s not you, it’s me”).

Our conversations were compelling in the early days, but that kind of discourse, as it turned out, was not his natural inclination.

Adam’s personality type is ESTJ (extroversion, sensing, thinking, judging).

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